Animus Vox


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Shane - 20 - England
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Kik: lolshane
Skype: lolshane
Snapchat: Nathandango
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Deleted my art blog link.

My confidence regarding my artistic skill is dropping daily. I’m about ready to give up - I want to do art as a career but I am now afraid I’m not good enough, and I only seem to get worse as I watch others get better.

I draw so rarely now. I enjoy it but I can’t bear to look upon my creations, even old drawings - They all look so amateur, so inadequate. kind of how I feel really.

That is, like a fool for ever believing I could do it.

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You don’t have to read this, it’s a bit of an essay, but it’s about my “good deed for the day”, and something that’s really bothering me at the moment - About a cat that I saw get run over earlier.

I was walking home after a good day when I witnessed a cat trying to cross the road get run over by a passing driver - Who, fortunately, promptly stopped along with his friends in another car. By this time I was already rushing over to the cat, which had limped to the other side of the road, and started stroking it, trying to comfort it a little at least. It was not in a good state, it was bent out of shape a little and it was bleeding out of it’s eyes and mouth - Not a good sign at all. I started shouting at the driver, who still hadn’t figured out what he hit, saying “You hit a cat! There’s a cat!” over and over, signalling for him to come over, following which him and another man did. Seeing the cat, and the state it was in, they panicked a little, and I quickly asked them if they had the numbers of any vets. One of them did, but it was a while away - Probably too far, so I rang my mum quick to ask for the local vets number, as I have dogs so she would know. I rang the emergency number and one of the men spoke to the clinic, to which they told him we had to go in. I carried the cat on a blanket to the car, and sat with it on my lap, holding it close, ignoring the bleeding and trying to reassure it a little at least - It seemed to calm down a bit, though it was still bleeding and breathing heavily. Upon arrival, I went to hand over the cat to the vet but - and this part really wrenched my heart - it clung to me, not wanting to let go. Hesitantly, I handed it over anyway, and left my number and address so they can get hold of me to tell me how it turns out.

I know people will say “It’s just a cat, so what?” but I’m a huge animal lover and it really got to me, and even now is really nagging at my brain, I keep seeing the cat in my head and replaying it. It was a horrible experience.

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I know I said I’m going to bed but this is just a thought.

I think the real reason I’m so proud of my ability to draw - Even if I’m not that amazing an artist - is because I have terrible co-ordination and eyesight, and shakey hands to boot. I’m proud of the fact that despite these disabilities I have managed to persevere and teach myself to draw at the standard I do now, when in all other aspects of my life I still struggle with personal issues getting in the way.

An explanation wasn’t really required but I just thought I’d share.

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Not everything on this planet revolves around females you know. Guys exist too.

It’s like, all these relationship posts are about guys treating girls right, never the other way round.

All these posts about self-esteem issues are always received as being all about girls, like guys can’t have problems with their self-confidence.

Open your eyes people.

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Just imagine being able to sleep at night with nothing on your mind.

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Use of the word “ratchet” for anything other than the wheel component or the character out of Ratchet and Clank makes me want to commit murders.

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Keeping your feelings and insecurities to yourself because you’re afraid people will change.

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So sick of everything, my feelings are a fucking mess.

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People with natural talent demotivate me so much.

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Baileys Ice Cream in bed.

I love my life.

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